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Golf poem
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry.
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows .... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
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Jackfish a sweet spot
Jackfish Lodge Golf and Conference Centre at Cochin near North Battleford combines the attractions of a beautiful resort set atop the hills overlooking a Northern lake, a wonderful provincial park with hiking trails, fishing and mountain biking, and quality golf.
“Every shot and hole are different,” says Kyle Kellgren, the proshop manager and course superintendent. “It’s a relatively easy, fun golf course to play.”
This par-71, 6,601-yard championship course along scenic Jackfish Lake features a peaceful, quiet setting. It's set against a backdrop of a natural lake, rolling hills (slope 114), around the trees and shrubs of the Prairie Parkland area in Battlefords Provincial Park.
The course this year is in particularly good shape for the time of year, says Kellgren. The rates - as low as $40 a round including electric cart if you sign up with the course e-letter - are reasonably priced for what you get.
“One of our main attractions is the staff and people here who give great customer service, says Kellgren. “They’re friendly and easy to deal with.”
The 58-room lodge offers quality accomodation and the meals are high quality and better than good (especially the northern fish dishes). The restaurant is considered the best in the area. A lot of people come for a round of golf and stay for a meal afterwords, Kellgren says.
The facility, a half hour north of Battlefords, can handle as many as 300 people which makes it a popular place for conferences, meetings, family reunions and other events.
The lodge has 58 spacious rooms offering two styles and views of the lake. Stay and play rates range from $199 for one night stay, for two people and 2-18-hole rounds and a power cart from Monday to Thursday.
Or make Battlefords Provincial Park is your destination for a camping experience with a difference - there are 165 electrified and 152 non-electrified sites. Immerse yourself in nature, enjoying the slow pace of a day at the beach or on the water. Play a round of golf, hike a trail or take in a planned activity. www.tpcs.gov.sk.ca/TheBattlefords
You might want to visit one of the National Historic Parks in the area or head into North Battleford for a museum tour or a visit to the Saskatchewan Baseball Hall of Fame. Whatever you decide to do, enjoy yourself knowing you can end your day with your feet up by the campfire while you watch stars slowly take over the evening sky.
Jackfish has launched a great new website with virtual tours of various holes and the facility. Summer season is busy so book early at Jackfish Lodge Golf and Conference Centre, Cochin (306) 386-2877, www.jackfishlodge.com
Provincial Hall of Fame formed
You have until July 1 to nominate your favorite golfer or builder of golf in the province the newly formed Saskatchewan Golf Hall of Fame. Representatives from the Saskatchewan Golf Association, the Canadian Professional Golfer’s Association of Saskatchewan, the Saskatchewan Turfgrass Association and individuals appointed by the presidents of the three organizations or their designates are responsible for reviewing nominations and selecting inductees.
The Hall of Fame is dedicated to the recognition of extraordinary contributions and accomplishments in the game of golf in Saskatchewan. The purpose is to provide role models and icons for upcoming generations of golfers in Saskatchewan while setting standards for them to aspire to. Honoured members, including amateur and professional golfers and builders of the sport, will be inducted annually starting in Sept. 18 at the Willows Golf and Country Club.
In the past 44 years, accomplished golfers or builders in Saskatchewan were recognized by the Saskatchewan Sports Hall of Fame (www.sshfm.com) or the Golf Canada Hall of Fame (Formerly RCGA). In addition, see some of the best in Saskatchewan at www.saskgolfer.com/fame.php
Once elected to the new Hall of Fame, nominees are officially inducted at a special ceremony by the Saskatchewan Golf Hall of Fame. The Honoured Member’s portrait is then enshrined at the Saskatchewan Golf Association office and available for viewing on the virtual Saskatchewan Golf Hall of Fame available through the SGA website.
The Player honorees shall:
- Be an adult, male or female, of any race, color or creed, not necessarily living at the time of consideration;
- Be at least, 40 years of age (unless already deceased) at the time of consideration;
- Be a resident, or former resident with substantial connections to Saskatchewan;
- Be an amateur or professional golfer during the period of accomplishments; and
- Be a person who has brought recognition to Saskatchewan primarily through excellence in golf championship play at the international, national, regional, and/or provincial level.
The Builder honorees shall:
- Be an adult, male or female, of any race, color or creed, not necessarily living at the time of consideration;
- Have resided and provided a minimum of 10 years of distinguished service in Saskatchewan when the majority of extraordinary contributions to golf were made;
- Have made a significant contribution to golf in Saskatchewan. However, service to other national, regional, provincial, state or local golf associations may be taken into account;
- Be selfless and have devoted service “Above and beyond the call of duty”; and
- Be of the highest character and integrity which embody the true spirit of golf and have worked to protect and foster its traditions in Saskatchewan.
For more info and a 2010 nomination form got to www.saskgolf.ca.
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Ulterior motives
by Andrew Penner
I’m proud to say I’ve decided not to become one of those lunatic hockey dads who wakes his kids up at four in the morning for hockey practice, spanks for poor play, and flings monkey wrenches at refs for botched calls. For these characters, anything that isn’t bolted down is a potential projectile.
Typically, I’ve noticed, when parents get rather militant about their children’s sporting activities – golf included - ulterior motives are involved. (I.e. they are trying to “win” through their kids because they stunk it up on the fourth line, etc.) But then it dawned on me, golfers often play the game for ulterior motives as well. Image control, work avoidance, marriage destruction, the list is long and strong.
So what, exactly, is an ulterior motive? Well, when Tiger Woods said to mistress #43 that she was “kinda purdy,” that could have been an ulterior motive. Or, when Jessica Simpson goes to a sporting event, there’s likely an ulterior motive involved there. And an ulterior motive is the most logical conclusion when I voluntarily choose to clean out my wife’s car.
Of course, not all ulterior motives involve sex. But, suffice to say, 99.28 % of them probably do. But now back to the moral of the story. Ulterior motives can often be cited when people play golf.
I definitely have a few of my own ulterior motives for venturing to the course. I happen to have four crazy-as-a-loon kids who, without even the slightest bit of effort, tempt me to throw myself in front of a bus at least 67 times a day.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. I’d need a minimum of five grand per in order to sell any one of them. But, you see – and I know every parent of a young critter would agree – you’re often willing to do anything to get away from the petulance for awhile. Golf is as good a reason as anything to make a break for it.
My wife has different ulterior motives for playing. She readily admits, and I give her full marks for honesty, that she doesn’t even like the game. For her, provided she can make it to nine, it’s all about the socializing and the pinot noir after the round. I go through great pains to make sure our chosen venue has an adequate setting and ample opportunity for post-round nourishment.
These days, it’s become fairly normal for people to play golf solely for business reasons. And that’s good, I guess, except for one major problem. Many people haven’t figured out “the rules” to business golf (quick tip: there are none) and, thereby, inflict more harm than good on themselves.
Well, on second thought, maybe there’s one rule: the person wielding the proverbial hammer should always win the game. (But, remember, and this can get rather messy, if he or she stinks, it’s imperative you pretend you’re trying very hard).
But now back to my kids. I’m convinced they play golf simply because they enjoy beating on things. If not each other, then something needs to be obliterated. Something needs to hurt. Something needs to get whacked. Golf fulfills this innate need for them.
My neighbour, let’s just call him “Flanders,” plays golf because, and I kid you not, “it’s a great way to recreate.” He enjoys the fresh air. The ball flying. The camaraderie. The challenge of competing, mainly against his neighbour, let’s just call him “Homer” (I bear no resemblance).
Aha! Now I see his sick and twisted ulterior motive! All along – in spite of me cutting his lawn when he took his family to Bassano for a week, in spite of me giving him my last beer, in spite of me hammering his good-for-nothing fence back into place – in spite of all that, he still loves nothing better than to kick my sorry ass. The world is indeed a sad place.
I used to know this pastor – and I’m sure he’s not the only clergyman with this strategy – who played golf because if he didn’t get out there and relieve some stress on the links every once and a while he’d systematically disembowel the majority of his parishioners.
Come on, people, dump on somebody else for a change! Your friendly neighbourhood golf pro, for example. And what about you? What’s your ulterior motive? Are the goofy pants the main draw? Does the beer really taste that much better on the links? Did it really hurt that bad when that errant lawn dart ruptured your spleen?
Whatever your reason is, I say good on ya. At least you’re playing.
Andrew Penner is a Calgary based CPGA Professional & author. He has written for SaskGolfer.com for the past eight years.
Perdue back in the game
Perdue Oasis Golf and RV Resort , located about 70 km west of Saskatoon, is back in operation, says its new leasee Glen Campbell, who was also the original designer of the course.
The owners of the 18-hole track, Bruna Scharf and her sons Matthew and Nick of Perdue, closed its door earlier this spring. The course struggled since opening in 2004 while competing in the highly competitive Saskatoon market.
Now, the Saskatoon market has become even more competitive with Perdue green fees set at $35 anytime. A $1,000 annual corporate pass has also been introduced which offers 40 rounds that can be used by anyone in the company.
Perdue won a Saskatoon Business Association Business Builder Award for new direction in 2006. In addition to the E-ZeeWrap business, the Scharf family also operate a 10,000 acre farm in the area. Jim Scharf died in March 2009.
“We expect perfect conditions by the beginning of June,” says Campbell, who was originally from Saskatoon. “So we especially welcome tournaments and new golfers to our facility.”
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