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Playing by the rules
In 1992 an Englishman by the name of Philip Parkin drove through the night to pick up a spot as an alternate in the Italian Open on the European Tour. After playing his first round he went to the practice tee to hit some balls where he discovered, at the bottom of his bag, his son's toy putter. This meant he had been carrying fifteen clubs (according to the rules, you're only allowed 14). To be a good guy, he called over a rules official to let him know the situation. The rules official asked Parkin how long the club was. Parkin said 19 inches. The rules official told him that any club over 18.5 inches was considered a "proper club" and Parkin was therefore disqualified. Parkin, his stomach nearly coming out of his mouth, asked the official what the rule would be if the club was an inch shorter. The rules official said he would also be disqualified for having an illegal club. Ah, yes. The rules of golf are beautiful, aren't they? Chances are - unless you're a shrunken, wrinkled, haggis-eating, stone-faced official of the Royal & Ancient - you too have broken a few golf rules during your ball bashing days. No worries. For most of the mediocre masses, playing by the rules is asking just a little too much. Ok, quite a bit too much.
The rules of golf - which are written, maintained, and interpreted by the United States Golf Association in conjunction with the Royal & Ancient in Scotland - exist, of course, to protect and guard the tradition and integrity of the game. And, in fairness to them, this is a daunting task.
For instance, as long as idiots like us (and when it comes to the rules, let's face it, we're all idiots) hit balls into rat holes, bee hives, cow pies, snake pits, grass fires, bear dens, port-o-potties, course marshals, etc., they'll have their hands full in terms of interpreting what's right and fair. Incidentally, all the aforementioned possibilities are covered in some detail in the ludicrously lengthy "Decisions on the Rules of Golf" book, a twisted sort of necessity that aims to tackle all the extraneous situations that the regular "Rules of Golf" do not, simply cannot, cover.
But back to "the rules". As of now, there are just 34 official rules. Of course, in 2008, when all the crusty old curmudgeons from the USGA and the R & A explore new interpretations, this might change a wee tad. Typically, when voted into a position of power, some of the more crotchety officials will see to it that they leave their "mark" on the game and fix something that desperately needs to be fixed, even if it doesn't. But, really, how hard can it be to know 34 rules? As it turns out, pretty much impossible.
Sadly, most of the 34 rules have a number of sub rules, dashes, asterisks, Roman numerals, etc. For example, Rule 16, one of the easier ones, is called "The Putting Green". But, to dissect and understand the stupid thing you'll need to use all your life lines a few times over. Phone a friend? Hell, a five-hour conference call with a hundred NASA scientists and you'll still be left scratching your head on this one.
Rule 16 starts out rather innocuously. There are only two dashes, or sub rules. And 16-2, which deals with the ball overhanging the hole, is just one measly paragraph in length. It basically states that if your ball is overhanging the hole you can't lollygag on your way to retrieve it, go to your cart for a swig of beer, try to pick up the cart girl, etc., or you'll be penalized a stroke. And, trust me, unless the earth parts and "the big one" comes, if it hasn't fallen in 10 seconds, it probably ain't gonna go.
But Rule 16-1 is where it gets real dicey. 16-1 is called "General". But they should have really named it "All Kinds of Weird, Convoluted, Perplexing, Problematic and F*&#-up S*&$ About Putting". Rule 16-1 has six different components (a to f). And "a", which is called "Touching Line of Putt", is broken down into seven different parts, or Roman numerals. And, again, unless you're some type of prophet, deciphering these suckers is likely going to give you some brain haemorrhaging. For example, "(ii)" says the player may place his putter in front of his ball when addressing it, providing he does not press anything down. Well how the heck are you supposed to put your putter down on the ground in front of your ball without "pressing anything down"? Of course you're going to press something down. That's exactly what you're doing when you're placing it there. Since when does exerting some type of force not amount to any force at all? Unless the green is a sun-baked piece of rock (interestingly, exactly how the USGA likes it for the US Open), something, some miniscule blade of grass, is going to be, even if it's only by half a millimetre, pressed down somewhat. Isn't it? This is when the conference call might come in handy.
Naturally, in this day and age of widespread TV golf, many know-it-all types are doing their citizen duty by calling in these petty, undecipherable, and completely inconsequential infractions when they see them on TV. Do they, like the high and mighty types who conjure up these nonsensical rules, have nothing better to do with their time? Are there not children around who might like to be played with? A wife who might enjoy a chat and a compliment or two? A long lost brother who might appreciate a phone call? Apparently not.
A number of years ago during the third round of the PGA Tour's Andy Williams Open, pro golfer Craig Stadler hit his ball under a pine tree. His ball was playable, but he had to kneel down to get a club on it. All perfectly permissible. But he grabbed a towel off his bag and set it down on the ground so he wouldn't ruin his pants. No big deal, right? Wrong. A fan called in later in the day and said that Stadler was "building a stance" and should be penalized under Rule 13-3. Officials concurred and Stadler, because he had already signed his scorecard without the penalty stroke, was disqualified. Long live the rules!
Andrew Penner is a Calgary based CPGA Professional & author who writes for publications across North America.
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At home on the range in Saskatchewan
By Stan Bartlett
Progress, man's distinctive mark alone not God's, and not the beasts.
- A death in the desert, by Robert Browning
If you look at progress from a golf perspective, the game has changed dramatically in Saskatchewan not unlike the rest of society. The first track in the province was established in 1899 in Regina's Crescent area and used for three years until roaming cows and hordes of mosquitoes drove the members to an alternate location along the banks of the Wascana Creek.
Since the birth of the Regina Golf Club triggered a frenzy of golf course building there are about 250 courses now, more per capita than anywhere in Canada - a couple of recent trends have emerged. In the last few years, there has been unprecedented growth in wonderful high quality courses. As well, many sand green courses have converted to grass greens or simply been abandoned as small prairie communities disappear. But some of the remaining 60 or so nine- hole sand green courses are thriving with golfers quietly enjoying the spirit of the game.
"Most of us wouldn't trade it for anything", said Eileen McPherson, who golfs three times a week with her buddies Cecile Duff, Sophie Kelln and Daisy Stockton, at the Craig Golf Course just down river from the now Royal Regina Golf Club. "We like the exercise, the fresh air and the companionship."
The sand green courses, which date back to the troubled economic times and harsh weather of the 1920s and 1930s, are slowly disappearing in Saskatchewan as grass greens became more affordable and easier to build and maintain. In his book "Ninety years of golf", author Mickey Boyle listed 132 courses in 1987 that were sand courses. Author Sandra Bingman, who wrote "Breaking 100: A Century of Women's Golf in Saskatchewan," said most of the early rural courses used sand greens because there was no reliable water supply with which to grow grass. Surprisingly, many of the province's major courses today, such as the Stanley Thompson designed Tor Hill in Regina and Golf Kenosee in Moose Mountain Provincial Park, got their start as sand green courses. There are advantages to playing sand green golf, or as some golfers call it, "pasture golf". With only 65 members at Craig, there's no problem getting a tee time because there aren't any, you just show up. There's more emphasis on fun and the social aspects of the game rather than competition, ask members about their Hawaiian, western and Halloween themed socials. It's eco-friendly, there are seldom pesticides or herbicides used. And for these seniors, it's only a short car drive from home.
Like Mike Weir and Lorrie Kane, these ladies play a game with which we are not familiar. The 2,332-yard track at Craig is a pretty spot along the river's edge with abundant birdlife and wildlife. As for the fairways untouched by earth-moving equipment, think second even third cut. There are no sand traps or four sets of tees (or ball washers for that matter). However, there are sand greens, typically about 25 feet in diameter, circular and flat with the cup always in the centre. The sand greens, depending on the type of sand, can be slow or fast and daunting even to the initiated.
"If you can play sand green courses you can play anything," says McPherson who plays regular courses in Texas during the winter. Once a golfer lands on the green, the surface can be tidied up with a rake and a matt attached to a rope is dragged from the ball to the flag to smooth the surface. Years ago many greens were oiled to help smooth the surface (and to prevent it from blowing away) until concerns were raised about polluting aquifers. There's no need to read the putt, although it's wise to take into account any larger pebbles - you just plough the ball to reach the hole.
"There's the potential to make Craig a grass green course, but then the fees would go up," said Kelln, who once aced the 124-yard 8th hole and who once fell in the river while retrieving a ball. You won't find any bag drop at their curling rink which doubles as the clubhouse, any high priced titanium drivers and specialty gear in a pro shop, or any glasses of chardonnay on the deck at the nine-hole Craig. You can get a cup of coffee for a dollar to wash down the cookies and muffins someone brings along for the post game get together. The fees are $5.75 a round or $155 annually.
But there's even cheaper golf out there. In south-west Saskatchewan, the village of Pennant has what may be the only golf course that doesn't charge green fees. The Indian Hill Golf Course near Swift Current doesn't even have a donation box and is run on the honour system like many other sand green courses. Owner Dave Dowdeswell farms in the area and operates it with the help of a few community donations and neighbours who help maintain the nine-hole prairie track. "It's a nice quiet place to have a round with no crowds," said Dowdeswell. There are local fun days and service club tournaments at the non-profit club.
Just down the highway, you'll find the nine-hole Chaplin Municipal Golf Course which was a sand green course until recently. When the Rough Riders installed a new turf a few years ago, avid golfers at the Chaplin course asked for and got enough astro turf to cover nine greens. "The turf works," said Julie Bauck, village administrator for Chaplin. "The putting is fast, but there's no mowing and no watering." Adds Bauck, "I've not seen a football player out here yet." Daniel Rauckman, the executive director of the Saskatchewan Golf Association, which counts about 49 member courses with sand greens, grew up playing on a pasture course at Leroy. He feels it was a great introduction to the game. "It was fun. It was just golf; I didn't know any different as a child," said Rauckman. "But if I mention sand green golf now at a national meeting, it's quite a shocker to them."
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