|
Its all for fun!
Only a golfer would understand a husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly he collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," he groans to his wife.
The wife calls 911 on her cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up her putter and lines up her putt.
Her husband raises his head off the green and stares at her. "I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the wife calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" he asks feebly.
"No time at all," says his wife. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
A young man and a priest are playing together.
At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
GolfTown hits Regina
Golf Town will be soon opening an 8,000 square foot store at Harbour Landing in the south side of the city. The site plan for Grasslands Development also includes Lowe's, Wal-Mart, Urban Barn and Co-op (www.grasslands.ca). Golf Town recently opened a megastore in Saskatoon shaking up the golf retail business in that community.
Last fall, pension fund OMERS Capital Partners bought Golf Town Inc., Canada's biggest golf retailer, for $214-million. OMERS Capital, the private equity arm of the $48-billion Ontario Municipal Employees Retirement System, is Toronto-based.
Golf Town is Canada's leading retailer of golf merchandise. Founded in 1999, it now operates 47 stores across Canada. Golf Town offers products from the leading international manufacturers together with teaching academies, golf simulators and pro shop services. Golf Town also provides logoing services on its wide range of brand name apparel, equipment, balls and more for corporate tournaments and events. www.golftown.com
|
Golf is not perfect
Here are 10 rules changes the R&A are considering instituting:
- It's golf, not sightseeing. Greens fees will be directly related to your pace of play. A round of golf should take no more than 3 hours, 45 minutes. They do it in Scotland and Ireland – without carts. Dawdle, take too many practice swings, wait until it's your turn to play before checking the yardage and picking a club? You're going to pay for it. Greens fees go up every 15 minutes over your allotted “time par.” Course rangers will determine if you're being held up by the group in front of you. They'll have the power to waive your “over time par” fee. (I know, this would require course rangers to actually do their jobs, something they rarely do now).
- Front, middle and back. Courses do not need six sets of tees. We're going to have three sets and your handicap--not your sex or your ego--will determine which set you play. If you can't break 80 from the middle tees, you sure as heck don't belong on the tips.
- While we're at it, yardage markers at 100, 150 and 200 yards in the middle of each fairway. That's all we need. Hours are being wasted looking for sprinkler heads while believing we can hit it precisely 163 yards. If you're good enough to play to a specific yardage, buy a rangefinder.
- No par-3s longer than 200 yards. No one likes really long par-3 holes, even the pros. The 12th at Augusta National. The seventh at Pebble Beach. The 10th at Pine Valley. The 17th at the Stadium Course. They're all great short holes. Take a hint. (One exception is allowed: the 16th at Cypress Point. It's 219 yards long and the most fun you'll ever have making a triple bogey).
- The out-of-bounds rule. Back when golf was played in the great wide open, not between McMansions, perhaps the stroke and distance aspect of the out-of-bounds rule was reasonable. It's not any more. Make out-of-bounds a lateral hazard. God didn't put those condos 30 feet off the fairway. Some stupid developer did.
- Discount the price if greens have been aerated within the past 10 days, greens fees should be reduced. If carts are required to stay on the path, cart fees should be reduced. And if it hasn't rained in two days, carts should be allowed on the golf course. The grass will survive. Give people a reason to come back – even if they could really stand to walk.
- Don't say it. Any tournament spectator who yells “get in the hole” or, excuse me while I cringe, “You DA man” at a tournament should be immediately removed from the premises for the remainder of the event. As further punishment, they should be forced to watch “Big Hitter” infomercials all day long.
- Putt 'em out. If you hit your first putt, or your second one, within 3 feet of the hole, you can't mark your ball – even if you're standing in some body's line. Knock it in or close enough to knock it away. Don't spend all day lining up putts. And anyone caught plumb-bobbing will be required to wear John Daly pants.
- Post your scores – good and bad. Handicaps only work if they're accurate and that means posting your scores, especially the good ones. Here's the rule: If you play 18 holes and don't post a score, the pro shop or your buddies will do it for you – even par from the tips. No exceptions.
- No one getting 10 shots shoots 73. Remember, handicaps don't reflect your average score. They're what you should shoot when you play your best. You should play to your handicap less than 25 percent of the time.
- Free drops from footprints in bunkers. Let's see how good Phil Mickelson is from the sand when he's playing from the trench left by Walter's size 13s. C'mon people, take a second and rake bunkers
- No cars, fountains or signs in water hazards. The only things allowed in water hazards are whitecaps, algae, Titleists, disobedient putters, ducks, rocks and bass. And Tiger Woods' 9-iron Steve Williams dropped in the pond at the K Club three years ago.
Rules Section
Finding your Nearest Point of Relief
You are entitled to free relief from immovable obstructions such as cart paths or buildings as well as abnormal ground conditions. Using the club you would make the stroke with, find the closest point that does not interfere with your swing or stance. This spot will vary depending on whether you are left or right handed. Use a tee to mark where the ball would sit and use any club to measure one club length from there, no penalty. You can clean your ball and remove any loose impediments prior to making your drop. Take complete relief or you are subject to penalty. Re-drop if your ball ends up in a hazard or closer to the hole. It is important to remember that the nearest point of relief is not necessarily the nicest point of relief. Relief may put you into a bush. After consideration you may just choose to play it as it lies.
Wrong Putting Green
You've hit your ball in a direction you didn't expect it to go. It comes to rest on the putting green for hole #9. Only trouble is you are playing hole #7. What should you do? You cannot play the ball as it lies. You need to find the nearest point that is not on the putting green and not closer to the hole. Take one club length from that point and drop a ball. You may clean your ball prior to dropping. Your ball must not come to rest back on that putting green or in a hazard. There is no penalty for this procedure but failure to do so will result in a two stroke penalty in stroke play or loss of hole in match play. Any practice green on the course is also counts as a wrong putting green.
|
 |
DeLaet inside the ropes
Graham DeLaet of Weyburn will write a weekly blog on the association’s website, www.cpga.com. The 27-year-old has started off well with four top-15 finishes in South Africa, two of those as runner-up. His performance in South Africa comes on the heels on a tie for 13th at the World Cup and a win at the Canadian Tour’s Montreal Open. He also finished second at the Jane Rogers Championship and Canadian Tour Championship late in 2008.
Follow the Roar
In "Follow the Roar", Bob Smiley recounts following Tiger Woods on a roaring journey from the seaside cliffs of California to the deserts of Dubai and a few adventures along the way. His off-course run-ins include an Arabian sandstorm, ex-con ticket scalpers, and of course, Tiger's every swing during his spectacular 2008 season.
Smiley is a Los Angeles TV writer and golf columnist for ESPN.com who found his career at a standstill. So, starting in January 2008, he started to follow the game's greatest player from the gallery for 604 holes. The results are intriguing.
Smiley, as the book cover boasts, "Met strangers who became friends and found in Tiger the inspiration and quintessence of what it truly means to be an athlete and a man."
This is a great read for the hardcore golfer, especially his first-hand account of THE greatest US Open of all time at Torrey Pines, where Tiger dueled with Rocko Mediate.... on one leg. (Harper Collins, 2008, $27.95 CDN).
Amen Corner
“Golf is a game of inches. The most important are those between your ears."
- Arnold Palmer

|