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Actual calls received at a course!
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the weather going to be like that day?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running late. Can you still get me out early?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that's not it...
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller: What's the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if possible.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?
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Golf poem
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry.
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows .... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
Stand proud
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls...
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid. A lean mean golfing machine - so to speak!
Deer Valley founder dies
The founder of Deer Valley Golf and Estates near Regina died suddenly in July. Glen Trentini was 48 and responsible for building and maintaining Deer Valley.
During his career Trintini had worked at various Western Canada courses including Wascana Country Club, Flowing Springs and Emerlad Park Golf and Country Club (now known as Aspen Links Golf and Country Club).
Trentini was vice-president of golf maintenance and executive golf superintendent at Deer Valley. and president of the Saskatchewan Turfgrass Association. As well, he was a director with the Canadian Turfgrass Research Foundation (CGSA) and the Canadian Golf Course Superintendents Associaiton from 1992 and 1996. A scholarship fund has been set up with CGSA in his honour.
SCOREGolf ranks Saskatchewan
Saskatchewan took five of the 10 top rankings in this year's Best Canadian Public Golf Course rankings. Notably, Dakota Dunes near Saskatoon placed first in the Sask/Manitoba listings. Other placements include Waskesiu (3rd), Cooke Municipal (5th), North Battleford (7th), and Moon Lake (10th). As well, Dakota Dunes ranked 1st for best condition, Deer Park for best value, and Elk Ridge for best resort. Congratulations to all!
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DeLaet inside the ropes
Graham DeLaet of Weyburn will write a weekly blog on the association’s website, www.cpga.com. The 27-year-old has started off well with four top-15 finishes in South Africa, two of those as runner-up. His performance in South Africa comes on the heels on a tie for 13th at the World Cup and a win at the Canadian Tour’s Montreal Open. He also finished second at the Jane Rogers Championship and Canadian Tour Championship late in 2008.
Follow the Roar
In "Follow the Roar", Bob Smiley recounts following Tiger Woods on a roaring journey from the seaside cliffs of California to the deserts of Dubai and a few adventures along the way. His off-course run-ins include an Arabian sandstorm, ex-con ticket scalpers, and of course, Tiger's every swing during his spectacular 2008 season.
Smiley is a Los Angeles TV writer and golf columnist for ESPN.com who found his career at a standstill. So, starting in January 2008, he started to follow the game's greatest player from the gallery for 604 holes. The results are intriguing.
Smiley, as the book cover boasts, "Met strangers who became friends and found in Tiger the inspiration and quintessence of what it truly means to be an athlete and a man."
This is a great read for the hardcore golfer, especially his first-hand account of THE greatest US Open of all time at Torrey Pines, where Tiger dueled with Rocko Mediate.... on one leg. (Harper Collins, 2008, $27.95 CDN).
Amen Corner
“After I got back, I said to Father Antony at Christ the Redeemer Parish, ‘I think I met God this week. Father Antony said, ‘You sure did. God gave this young man all the gifts to be able to do what he does."
- John Gaudet, head pro of Chinook Golf Course in Swift Current, on meeting Tiger Woods at a Nike Golf Canada event in June

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